Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
