I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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