the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
