Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
