He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
