WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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