i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
