Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
