yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Randomize
