I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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