Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
