omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
