I molested 6 butterflies tonight
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
