I just saw a hot homeless man
so that wasnt chicken after all
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
