I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
