Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
