u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
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