I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
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