You smell like stripper and shame
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
