Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
