I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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