sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
