he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
