grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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