Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I wish there were birth control emojis
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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