I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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