Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
