Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
