Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
vagina is talking i cant
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
