But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
