as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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