Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
