I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
