you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
