is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
