I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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