I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
