oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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