pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
