farters have to be the big spoon...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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