Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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