in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
They took my balls.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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