Dude my mom stole all your condoms
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
