So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just want nice things and good sex
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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