That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
