I wanna bring you to show and tell
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
