you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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