Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
