i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
