Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Say something about gay babies.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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