omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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