I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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