Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
