evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
